How Severe A.D.D Changed My Approach To Development And Leadership
How It Started
I have a very special daughter. Throughout her life, we have had all kinds of medical challenges. One night my wife was preparing for a Drs visit for her. As my wife was reading over the material she would say things like, “This (insert random idiosyncrasy) can be a symptom of A.D.D”. Each time she said one of these my reply was always “I don’t think that is completely accurate, that is pretty normal”. It took me a while to catch on that my wife was now going through a list of A.D.D signs just to see what I would say. (it was late, I was tired, ok)
After about 20 mins I caught on, (remember it was late). I have to admit, I didn’t sleep that night. I was curious if it was true and if so, what did it mean? I set a Dr’s appointment and took the test, yes, its a test. I think that fact that its a written test in itself is funny, maybe if you complete the test without flipping the table you win! Well after about 100 short questions I was done. The result, I got 1 wrong, or right depending on the outcome you are hoping for.
Imagine you are giving a presentation in a room of your peers. You have prepared well and know all of the details backwards and forwards. While you are presenting your brain presents a thought. “Did I turn off the coffee?”, “Did I lock the car?”, “What did my wife mean when she said …”. Most of you may be able to hit the dismiss button on those thoughts. I can’t. I have to balance those unimportant thoughts with the task at hand. Because I thought it was normal I coped and most people never figured it out. — My explaination of what having A.D.D is like
The Dr confirmed that I had all of the signs that would point to severe A.D.D. How did I get this far along without knowing? Well, I was homeschooled. Obviously, the education part worked out for me, just not the psychological monitoring.
So here I am, an Architect, Development. Leader, People Leader with severe A.D.D. Now add to it anxiety because I had no idea what was going to happen next.
Treatment?
The first question was if I wanted to try a treatment or if knowing was enough. This is where I issue my first warning.
Finding out you have A.D.D, especially as a adult is like the Schrödinger’s cat paradox. You don’t know if the cat is dead until you look in the box (i think you would know by the smell, but whatever). With A.D.D, you don’t know your brain is working differently until you take a pill that tells you.
I guess the curiosity (like the cat) got the better of me. I started my first dose of medicine the next week. In hindsight, would I have done things differently, possibly? It ends up being something that you cannot reverse.
I was perfectly normal, I was on par with all of my peers. Until I wasn’t. In the blink of and eye they were all light years ahead of me. At least that was how I felt after a pill showed me the difference.
I joke that the first day I took it I was like Bradly Cooper in “Limitless”. I started to understand what I had been missing. I was super-powered, but at a cost. For me, my body reacted, I didn’t sleep for 4 days until my body got used to it. Still, when dosages change I will not sleep for a few nights (i do a lot of Github contributions then).
The medication did not fix anything though, it just opened up new possibilities. I still had to figure out how to use “My Brain” in the best way for me.
My A.D.D Superpower
At first, I thought A.D.D meant I was different from others or that I was now at a disadvantage. After a little while, I realized that — that wasn’t farther from the truth.
I personally identify with Tony Stark (i wish)
When used propperly, I had an advantage over other people. I could change thought patterns and directions faster than a “light bike” in Tron.
Like any superpower, I needed to go through the cinematic montage where the hero learns their new powers. Like Spider-Man falling from a building, Ironman learning to fly, or Captain America (wait, he didn’t really have a learning curve). After a little bit, between understanding how my brain was working (i read a lot) and getting my medicine to the right dosage for me, I was in the zone.
Working with it instead of against it, I could switch between meetings faster. I was able to put together diagrams and documents faster. My work improved and so did my feeling of accomplishment. This was a case where truly, the way you looked at something helped craft the outcome.
How Did It Change My Work Style
Overall I had to make changes but it was not because I was failing or having an issue at work. I made changes because of my new-found knowledge and my desire to not fall behind inadvertently.
Engineering
I learned to allow my brain to lead the process. What I mean is, if my brain is willing to lock in on a single task and block out the rest of the world, let it. Move a meeting, postpone a conversation and lock-in. When my brain switches tracks, go with it, work on small aspects of different projects.
I do not understand why I can be one way one day and another the next. What I do know is that just like I will not allow it to control my personal life, I will not allow it to control my professional one either.
Personally, I use VSCode as my IDE. I have found multiple extensions that allow me to work how I need to at that time. For instance “Project Manager” helps me keep all my projects and environments together for rapid switching of code and environment. This means that I can switch gears easily without any downtime.
Documentation is another key. I need to write things down in specific project notes for future reference. In my code, I need to rely on docstrings and ToDo notes. I do it inline with the code so when my brain switches I do not need to go back and document.
Leadership
As a leader, I maintain honesty with my team about the struggles I have. This helps my team in a few ways.
It helps my team see that I am not pretending to be any more than I am. I have been able to do what I have despite any challenges that I might face.
It helps my team understand that in a discussion if I do not seem fully engaged, it is not because of them. I might be having a difficult time focusing at that moment. If I have to cancel a one on one or a meeting, it is not because I am disinterested I just might not be of benefit to them right then.
It helps the team know that if I jump around, or move from one issue or project to another I don’t expect the same from them. This is the way I need to work and I respect the way they work.
What Did I Learn
Personally, I feel like this was a growth experience for me. I will admit that I was concerned about work, but it was really silly, I needed to focus on what I had done before I was given a diagnosis. Nothing had changed except for knowledge. Learning how to operate in a new environment is uncomfortable but when you figure it out, with the right outlook, you might just be impressed with what you can do.
These were the keys I took away from this whole experience:
Track Everything — I learned I needed to rely on note-taking more than ever before. Part of my problem was that my “short term” memory was off. So taking notes and breaking them up logically helps keep me on track.
Find Quite — I need to have a quiet spot either at home to focus on serious tasks. To much action, motion or noise will get me off track and it will take me longer then I would like to get back on track.
Go With It — When your brain involuntarily switches tracks, go with it, if you can (presenting to the C.E.O? Not the best time). Our brains are amazing things. I have found that if I roll with it I am usually surprised at what I come up with. Shifting between things frequently also keeps me interested in what I am doing.
Be Transparent — I don’t hide what I deal with. Because I don’t look at it as anything other than another thing that makes us a little different I am free to be open and honest about it. I have to say, everyone has been supportive and helpful, and they understand when I hit a spot where I JUST CAN’T.